Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Scratchings my readers have eaten part 1

Regular reader Jon Ebolavirus dropped me a text and a photo of a cracking scratching he had recently.  Over to you Jon.

I was at the Birmingham summer food fair thingy the other day getting smashed in the German beer tent.  I felt the urge for some salty pig based snacks so wondered round the corner to find the scratchings stand and I went and fucking bought some I did.

This was a particularly nice one and as it was served warm, which was a mark of genius, and I told the bloke an all - fucking nice one mush I said.  Anyway it had a lack of hair but the extra fat content had to be commended.  Medium salt level but in all honesty I would have rather settled for the little blue and white KVE Scratchings.

Cheers Jon.

If you've had a fucking tasty scratching or for that matter a few nice Pints which got you spannered or you have had an uplifting packet of tabs that made you cough like a miner in the morning, or any old shit for that matter drop me a line and I will alter most of the words you send me to include tons of swearing and bang it on here.  Try and include a picture as well as that pads all this shit out.  Cheers.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Cobs, Rolls, Barmcake, Bap or Kummelweck?

When your on the piss the old adage goes eating's cheating, and it is - it bloody is.  But lets face it - you would have to be some kind cunt to go on a massive all dayer and not have something to eat - my mate swears by five pounds of mashed potato - the fucking cunt.

Take last Saturday, I was on the smash and had done a fair few Magners.  Smoking Luckies as well I hasten to add.  Anyhoo - I got a bit peckish and was feeling a bit pissed so I headed into the bar.  Now then round my way (the black country) we are lucky enough to have crusty cobs - absolute manna from heaven for the casual drunk, the full on piss can or the greedy fucker.  You may know them better as baps, barmcakes, Oatcakes, StottiesBreakfast RollsTeacake or some shit from America called a kummelweck.

 Look at those bad boys and a quid a pop is a right result

A crusty cob is basically a fucking meal in a roll.  Has salad in it, so one of your five a day is covered, everyone is a fucking winner. And surely if you drink the amount of Cider I got through last Saturday there must be at least another one of your five a day in there. so Professor Dame Sally Davies is going to be well happy.  She Might be a bit pissed off Magners has 2.6 units per bottle mind.

Anyway back to the cobs.  I opted for the rather conservative Ham salad, but they do the lot - Cheese salad, Corn beef and pickle, ham and beetroot and the marvelous Black pudding, cheese and onion.  Bloody hell.  All at a pound each.  Old Hill Cricket Club will even make up any cob you fancy - so next week Black Pudding, Cheese and brown sauce please. 

Look at this greedy cunt, not only a cob but a fucking samosa as well.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Scratchings I have eaten part 1

I had this particular scratching at Old Hill Cricket Club on the 5th June 2010 - Not bad with a good amount of hair.

This was a cracking scratching - look at it!  Plenty of hair and a large amount of meat.  I had it in the Hawne Tavern on the 30th May 2010.

Drinking the honest and Brutal truth

You may end up with a hottie holding a knife

It is big and it is very clever

Look at that - it looks fucking brilliant

I had a binge drink once and it turned me into a bender

Da de dah de da de dah - da de dah de daaa fug offfff

Stop drinking and eat CAKE

It's nothing new you know

You will meet all manor of beautiful, lithe sexy women in your life - but when your mongoled you will cop off with some right fat pigs