Friday, August 05, 2011

New Kid on the block

Watch out scratchings - you have a rival.

I went out on the smash last Wednesday - was supposed to be a couple of pints after a fraught tea with my mum, never a nice experience.  Anyway decided to slip over the road to the Wagon and Horses for a few

The Wagon and Horses

I had a couple in there - some delicious Oakham Inferno and the gaffer, Bob, was in fine form.  He was as pissed as a cunt and being fairly aggressive.  He also had a little feel of my wife's tit the dirty bastard.

Bob the landlord who had a feel of my wife's tit

He was trying to coax me into going to the Great British Beer Festival this Saturday, 6th of August.  His sales pitch went something like this - 'come on Danny - leave the kids, fuck it, we can go properly on the piss, not any of your namby pamby shite, properly on the piss!'  Some chaps sat near us overhead and enquired what it was all about and he turned his attention/aggression on them.  Told them about the full English breakfast on offer in the pub prior to departure on a coach to London to go 'properly on the piss', one of these chaps made the fatal error of asking if he could take some cans for the coach to which Bob told him to 'fuck off' and then called him a 'moron'.  Excellent put down Bob - I took notes.

Anyway - we decided to have a swift one in the Hawne Tavern on the way home - always an error as it always gets messy in there.

The Hawne Tavern

As predicted it got very messy - in short I got twatted.  I had numerous white lions and upon feeling a bit peckish towards the end of the night I went to get some scratchings.  But my eye was turned, cheap tart that I am and I saw these hanging from the wall.

I saw these hanging from the wall

"Give me a packet of those" I slurred at the barman and then I proceeded to eat them very quickly becoming extremely agitated if anyone came near them or me and indicated they wanted some as I wanted them all for myself because they are so fucking lovely, and I am greedy cunt.

After the Jalapeno flavour I clocked they had a honey and mustard flavour as well, so I quickly drank two more pints and then weaved back to the bar, falling only once, and bought another packet.

Honey mustard ones

I very nearly got into a fist fight over these but I manged to eat every last one without sharing, I recommend that approach personally if you decide to try them.

My one quandary over this is that there fucking American and we all know they are cunts.  But hey fuck it - they are rather special.

Other information regards the evening - I went outside 20 times as I smoked a packet of these.

So in short - bloody lovely bar snack and I will happily eat them again but they ain't no scratching.


The Greenwich Barber said...

if you would like to discuss this or simply ridicule me in public then why not go to my forum where tthere is, a somewhat, limited, discussion taking place amongst other things such as 'cunt of the day' and 'beer'!

Anonymous said...

Who's this Greenwich Gaper advertising on this Forum??? He needs to go insert some digits in his cornhole. what a caaaaaaaaannt

Redblong said...

Marco - is that you?

The Greenwich Barber is me!!!

Martin said...

what's going on here?